My Husband Says His Money is His (16 Tips to Help You)

If you want to know what to do when your husband says his money is his and his alone, this article is definitely going to help you.

It reveals a lot of helpful information as well as specific tips to help you when this happens.

You see…

Marriage can be a wonderful institution. It can be the beautiful blending of two lives together as one.

The marriage partners journey on in life and fulfill their dreams together and make their particular mark in the world.

They can live happily ever after if they stay faithful to each other, honor their vows and stay true to the marital institution.

Happiness in the partnership is also dependent on another institution.

That institution is the banking institution or the sharing of finances by the couple.

 

Importance

Sadly, three destructive forces will decimate a marriage.

One is the lack of communication, two is being unfaithful, and three is money.

Frankly, all three can be tied together as one if a spouse does not communicate with the other regarding money and in doing so indulges in an unhealthy relationship with the finances through secrecy or by being possessive.

When your husband says that his money is his, what can be done to communicate, restore the faithfulness of the marriage, and address the challenge of money issues?

 

Personal Story

In a marriage, as in life, each of us has different strengths and areas where we are challenged.

I confess that my challenge was in the area of personal finances that is until I married.

Come to find out my wife was practical in dealing with money issues, saving, and letting our money work for us as we saved for retirement.

I relinquished the traditional role of managing the finances to her and in the process was enriched by learning from her which made me hunger to learn more.

My financial role became our financial role.

 

16 Best Tips to Help When Your Husband Says His Money Is His

 

1. Acknowledge

As with any challenge that we face, the first step is to identify that challenge.

If a husband or spouse is thinking about money that they earn and that it belongs to them and is not part of the assets owned by the partners then that may be an issue for one of the partners.

If it is an issue, what is that problem or challenge that it may create within the household?

Questions that need to be asked are:

• Are the bills being paid?
• Does it affect the quality of life of the household?
• Is it depriving any of the members of the family unit of food, clothing, etc.?
• Does there appear to be some sort of secret issue affiliated with the money (gambling, drugs, etc.)?

By identifying the attitude of the spouse towards money and answering these questions and more, the situation may be a serious one.

The attitude may be a mindset that was formulated by the individual’s experience, teaching, etc.

If the attitude of the spouse towards money coming into the household is of concern or if the needs of the family unit are not being met then there are two options.

The wife can move towards helping their husband or just simply accept the situation as it is.

 

2. Your Not Alone

If it’s any consolation, it is important to know that you as the wife are not alone.

Issues swirling around money can be a devastating factor if unresolved within the marriage.

A great percentage of divorces are due to money issues.

The positive aspect of this consolation of not being alone is that you may be able to find others or a group that can help each other mentally and practically through what is being experienced.

Later we will discuss support groups as part of a process that can be taken.

 

3. Nurture Yourself

One of the primary action steps that a wife, in this case, can take is to ensure that she provides nurturing herself.

This nurturing can be accomplished by reading a variety of books that are written with this situation in mind.

The wife mustn’t blame herself; feel guilty about the situation or move towards being emotionally distressed or depressed.

The wife realizes that a marriage is a partnership in which both the husband and the wife work together, embrace transparency and realize that their marital union is a commitment to each other in all aspects of their lives.

 

4. Know Your Rights

Women are not second-class citizens.

They have legal rights and are sheltered under existing laws governing marital relationships.

Therefore, it would be important for the woman to review her rights by researching on the Internet and realize that joint ownership in a marriage is the expectation and privilege granted under the law.

Neither spouse wants to confront the other individual by throwing the law in their face.

However, understanding the law will set your mind at ease by knowing that you are standing on firm ground as it relates to finances in a marriage.

Also, most couples have their finances melded together in joint ownership.

The couple may have a joint checking or savings account, credit cards in each of their names, or have purchased a major asset that lists both spouses as owners.

Consequently, you have every right to review those statements to protect your financial liability.

As with all legal matters, it is important to seek counsel from individuals who are familiar with family law to see what your legal rights are in the marriage.

 

5. Purpose

As it relates to the statement and attitude of the husband saying that what is his money is his, what is your goal as to what you would like to see happen?

In other words, is it causing financial hardship for the family?

Or do you suspect that he is using monies on things that you are not aware of?

Or do you just feel that it would create a stronger marital bond between the two of you if his attitude towards the money was transformed?

 

6. Share Financial Stories

Perhaps a way to find out what the impasse may be between your desire for openness, transparency, and a transformation of attitude may be to share financial stories as you both were growing up.

By sharing stories and communicating with each other you may be able to get a different perspective on where he is coming from in regards to his thinking of the money being his.

Also, by sharing your perspective, he will have an opportunity to hear what you’re thinking is about finances and expectations.

 

7. Communication

Sometimes the best approach is the direct approach.

If the relationship is solid, then an invitation to your husband to sit down and have a conversation about money may be the best way to meet the existing challenge.

In a non-threatening and demanding manner simply express what you’re perspective is regarding the attitude that seems to be emanating from him about finances.

Share from your heart and mind that it is a concern for you and ultimately the health of your relationship.

Hopefully, he will listen attentively, try to understand your perspective, and make strides to work on his actions.

Also, as part of the communication process, it is important to not only listen and talk but to give and take as well.

Perhaps in response to his openness, you could indicate that you will try to be more understanding.

 

8. Lead by Example

Another way to demonstrate or gain responses from others and particularly your husband is to demonstrate or lead by example the response that you are wishing to see.

In other words, you must demonstrate openness and transparency about money.

Examples could be when you go shopping and buy new clothing or a new pair of shoes, or cosmetics, or even grocery items.

Engage your husband by saying that, matter-of-factly, you bought this or that, and hopefully he will reciprocate by being open and forthcoming about the finances.

 

 

9. Counseling

Counseling and specifically counseling on this issue of finances may be indicated.

Of course, both parties would need to be willing, and it is something that cannot be forced on an individual if that is something that they do not wish to do.

Optimally, the husband would want to go along with the counseling session.

If not, then the wife could seek counseling on her own as part of a therapeutic measure and also receive practical advice on how to handle the situation.

 

10. Stand Your Ground

The days of a husband stating that he ”wears the pants in the family” is not an attitude that a husband should take.

You, as the wife, are a fully invested partner and you have equal footing in the relationship.

Therefore, it is important to stand your ground, and, in a non-confrontational manner, bring the issue forward so that an equitable solution can be accomplished.

 

11. Influence of Friends

Sometimes family friends and relatives can be a positive influence on a marriage.

If you have close friends and you realize that the handling of finances in their relationship seems to be on strong footing continue to cultivate that friendship.

Perhaps with continued interactions, there may be an opportunity for that subject to be talked about and brought forward as an example of what you would want to see in your marriage.

 

12. Support From Others

There is always strength and wisdom in numbers.

A possibility of gaining support and insight is by involving yourself in a group with the purpose of the group being to strengthen marital relationships.

Inevitably the topic of finances will begin to emerge, and it may be an opportunity for you to hear from others on how they successfully handled their financial situation.

Also, there are a variety of forums on Facebook in which an individual can share anonymously their marital situation and gain insight from other individuals.

 

13. Challenge Him

A marriage that allows unresolved issues to fester and remain open-ended will inevitably become fractured and possibly create resentment.

Therefore, for the sake of the marriage, it is important to challenge your husband.

This needs to be done in a non-threatening or non-confrontational manner.

This can be accomplished through discussion and conversation, with boundaries, by simply sharing with your husband how you feel about the financial situation.

As the wife, you can talk about your perception of his apparent attitude regarding money being his.

Again, it is important to keep the conversation non-threatening and as much as possible free from emotion and anger.

If you see that things are beginning to escalate then simply call for a break to regain composure and then come back to the conversation again.

 

14. Encouraging Language

As with any conversation about a difficult topic, it is always important to weigh one’s words carefully.

With the topic of money, it is important to use encouraging language and not to be accusatory.

Rather than saying you do this, or you do that use language that says this is how you make me feel when this happens.

Also, when the conversation goes back and forth, it is important to put into your own words and repeat back to your husband what you are hearing so that there is no confusion.

 

15. Schedule Financial Dates

Just as date nights are important to keep the marriage alive and vibrant so are financial date nights.

This can be a commitment for both the husband and the wife to meet to talk about the finances, where they are at with their financial goals, and how they see themselves progressing towards their plans.

Perhaps, following the financial discussion, it could be culminated in having a night out together, enjoying a meal, or taking in a movie.

 

16. Time

More than likely, there will not be a sudden epiphany within your husband’s mind and heart.

However, the process and associated awareness of the challenge are being brought out into the open.

It is important to remember open dialogue is the door to discovering solutions and a new pathway.

 

My Husband Says His Money Is His FAQs

 

What Specifically About Money Causes Marital Problems?

The three most cited issues surrounding a rocky marriage as it relates to money are non-agreement on financial priorities, unexpected major expenses, and secret spending by either one of the partners.

 

What if My Husband Demands My Salary?

There is no obligation on the wife’s part to hand over her salary to her husband. Of course, if the family has fallen on hard times, it may be necessary.

A good relationship is not built on demands. It is built on communication as part of addressing any issues and coming to a solution.

Therefore, if a financial crisis arises, communication should follow and the discussion of solutions may involve the wife willingly providing her salary.

 

You Can Do It

Being the strong woman that you are you want to be a full participant in the marital relationship.

Your purpose in addressing the attitude of your husband as to the money situation and his thinking that the money is his is not so much an issue as it is with the potential of creating a chasm in your strong marriage.

 

Conclusion

You know the value of communication and it is one of the primary pillars of a strong marriage.

Therefore, you are moving forward on approaching your husband based on that understanding.

By talking about money, you are investing in your marriage.